I think tomorrow I'll buy a radio for the kitchen. Then it won't seem so bad being in there.

I'm depressed. Depression isn't a character flaw, but character affects how well one manages depression. Right now my character weaknesses are running the show. I just don't care.

My love is in the hospital. I can't even be there with him. He's doing better. Tomorrow they will probably want me to take him home. I can't. It has be one too much for me. I can't keep up what I've been doing. It's even gotten to where the care I give him is becoming negligent. So I'll tell some doctor on the phone that I can't come get him. Then a social worker will call. She'll offer to find him a bed in a nursing home. I'll tell her to go ahead.

So I'll send my love to a crappy dump with Corona running wild through the nursing homes. How can I do this. I'll do it because I'm tired and burned out. I'ld rather be dead than do this to him. But I can't find the wherewithal to bring him home. Why did he have to outlive my strength?

If I find some help, I risk bringing the virus into the apt. I'm very afraid of getting COVID. So is he. And he hasn't been too nice to me lately.

It's this epidemic. It took away the bit of help I had. It makes the nursing homes like leper islands. He's dying. The little time we had left has to be ruined. How rotten does life have to get? This is all so mean and cruel.