Quote:
Originally Posted by Tiny elephant
Hi, I am new to this site and have come here to get answers from people who are unbiased.
I am with my boyfriend of a year and I have become aware of some not so great qualities.
I have noticed that he is angry and stays angry when I tell him that I am going out to do something by my self or with my mom and sisters. He shuts down and stops talking to me and ignores me in the house where we live together. Living with him I feel like I have no time alone and when I tell him this he gives me a disgusted face and asks why I need alone time. I feel controlled and feel like I am unable to do things outside of my relationship. When I return home he doesn’t say a word to me and avoids eye contact at all costs. I feel as if I am constantly critiqued on what I do. I don’t know what to do because the other side of him is completely different. The other side of him is so sweet and funny and I really feel like he was meant for me but these controlling flaws having made me feel different. Please help!!!
|
In my opinion, there is no "other side" to people. To be sure, people have many facets to their personalities. But when a person is abusive that is every bit as much a part of "them" as their sweet or funny side. Is it possible for someone to become less controlling? Yes; but not without awareness that it is an issue, and not without effort to change the behaviors. So far I am not seeing any of that in what you have said about your controlling boyfriend. Without your boyfriend wanting to change, he likely will not change. I would not yoke myself to someone like that. If he truly cannot see why anyone would want alone time or time with other friends or family, he has a serious problem. If instead he does understand and he wants to deny you the joy, comfort and affirmation of close relationships with family and good friends--then he has an even bigger problem.