There are a lot of similarities in our home to the home she grew up in. I see that more and more. It was honestly my biggest worry that our life would turn out like that.

I don't see the "splitting "and lies and maliciousness, the covert jabs, that I saw in her home, but I do see the husband taking a lot of anger from the wife, and trying to not upset her, and making her anxiety the family priority. I do see the defensiveness and deflection she grew up with. That can either be from BPD tendencies or from a destroyed self-esteem, or from living in so much pain.

As for my self esteem, it was pretty destroyed for about 6 years.

I began to try to see myself from other perspectives. I let myself hear the things my kids, coworkers, and extended family said to me and about me.

After two weeks of increased distance, of all things, last night she tried to initiate sex. Actually, she tried to get me to initiate sex. I never acknowledged her advances or efforts.

I'm ok.