Will have to read most of today's posts tomorrow. Could not sleep, so am doing tomorrow AM post now, in order to do something besides sit around and cry.


52 miles on bike was very nice. Lovely day. Ruined by picking up the full Trilafon Rx, a med supposed;y around $10 for a month--I paid $40!!! Infuriating. The other one he wants me to try next--$270 a month. Not insured. Won't be happening, obviously..

Won't go into details, but watching a scene in show about topic I am very sensitive about and burst into tears. Biggest cry I have had in maybe 10 years. Could not stop. Trilafon? Dunno. The reality is, the way I was feeling during cry and feel now is all legit 100%. I do not belong on this earth. It has just been too difficult for too long. Not remotely suicidal--don't worry. Not at all. But I do feel that I belong in another place with my creator and I would really prefer to go there today. I am just worn out by all this.

So sorry to be posting this, as I am sure I just sound like a constant negative source here. So sorry for that. But this is truly how I feel. I am tired of waiting to go somewhere where I believe each day will not be a giant struggle to keep above water. This has just been too tiring for me. I am exhausted.


Love and hugs to everyone. Not giving up. I will never give up. But I want to. I really do.