Quote:
Originally Posted by RockyRoad007
Time to let go of this porn thing.
At the time you needed it. She had no desire whatsoever in meeting your needs. As long as you see it as bad or a mistake, she will continue to use it to control you, either thru shaming you about it, or that you "cheated" on her.
Next time she brings it up, say darn right, and I enjoyed it. Might sound cruel, but she will eventually come to the understanding that she can no longer use it to control you.
While you hold the "shame" within yourself, she can use it against you. Time to let it go. Forgive yourself.
In actuality, there is nothing really to forgive, except that she has you convinced you commited the gravest sin known to mankind.
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Omg @
RockyRoad007, you made me laugh over what I bolded in your post.
@
RDMercer:
The points being made here about the porn use being held over your head are all valid and very good ones.
Your wife continues to use the porn as a way to deflect any responsibility for the issues you bring to the table, or whenever you make a valid point in your defense, she uses this as a weapon against you. That is deflection and blame, and is also a form of emotional abuse and control.
I agree that it may be time to let go of that guilt and responsibility for yourself -- don't let her accusations make you feel entirely responsible.
The bottom line is: your wife denied you sex for a very long time, and you had to get your needs met. In fact, you did
not go outside the marriage and physically CHEAT. You used porn, a far more innocent thing. And I am not a porn fan whatsoever and have my own strong beliefs about it, but in your case, I defend your rights to use porn when your wife is denying you sex and when a very basic need wasn't met within your marriage. Hell, if you truly HAD cheated, I wouldn't have blamed you one bit! That's just my own two cents.
So I agree -- try to let go of that guilt you feel over it and forgive yourself. If it were me, I would even say something like: you denied me sex, so I used porn. Big deal. I did what I had to do to get my sexual needs met because you certainly weren't going to give that to me. And then walk away.