I’ve endured this mother/daughter dynamic my whole life. Cutting her out completely was too hard on me emotionally. All you say is true, but still I wanted to have a mother.

Mine has laughed at my attempts at boundaries and ran over them. She has given me the silent treatment. She has slandered me to the rest of the family, even making stuff up.

But then there’s the good side of her and the mother I want to have. So, now I keep a safe distance. I call (but less often), I don’t fight with her. When she goes on talking about people who she knows treated me horribly and I don’t want to hear about, she doesn’t care. She insists on doing it and told me “too bad” when I asked her to stop. She also did nothing to help to situation, only made it worse between me and my sisters. And she lied to them again me to vilify me. Nice mom?

But she’s also very good sometimes, and entertaining to talk to. She’s been nice and supportive. It’s a mixed bag and complicated, as I’m sure it is for you.

I eventually accepted minimal contact and no boundaries. I don’t call her as much as she’d like and she doesn’t respect my boundaries as I would like. My mom is 85, so I figure she doesn’t have much life left and I’d rather have contact.

I know you have a very difficult, personal choice. There is no right answer, only what’s best for you.