No, Jimi, you're not babbling at all. In fact, thank you for sharing. Your story helps me think more rationally about mine. I think healthy venting like we're doing here is a good thing. Sad as it is, our experiences are stories, weird, dysfunctional stories, but I think it helps to tell it and find others who can listen and support us. It sounds like both of us have good coping skills for this, but I find venting out in safe places like this really calms me down. Like I said, I don't feel things very intensely, but I still get mad. I also researched BPD heavily once I realized what my stalker was suffering from. It led me here and I try to interact with people who have it to share and to get a better understanding of what it is. I really empathize with you on your stalker's sense of enmeshment. I always got overwhelming demands for 24/7 time and attention. When I got into my sarcastic phase with him I would say, "Be with you all of the time, huh? Well, I have this thing people call a job. Maybe you've heard of it. Many adults have one. You should try it some time." And he just wouldn't get it.

Wow, there are so many parallels in how our stalkers behave. Mine was absolutely convinced of the rightness of his actions. Alienating his family and friends was necessary so that he would have no distractions in being with me. "I did it for you!" he would scream. Trying to alienate mine was also necessary so that I would only have him to rely on. Fortunately, my friends are very close and all he succeeded in doing was making them detest him. I do get the sorrys when he is sobbing and begging, but it's more the backhanded sorry of I'm sorry you're a b***. Again, I got a chill when you said you tried to help her have a better life. We both seem to care about others and wish the best for them. My stalker was this manbaby son of immigrants who didn't fit in, was broke, lived in his parent's basement, suffered abuse both sexual and physical, was uneducated, awkward and shy. I tried to teach him how to carry on a conversation, how to improve his appearance, how to better groom himself, to find some motivation, some culture and I also tried to teach him what French and Japanese that I know. So, he felt I filled a void in him and would often tell me that he did not have any females, other than his mom, in his life since he was 15. I couldn't imagine not having any males in my life for nearly ten years. So basically he has no clue of how to interact with women, especially modern western women and he seems to hold onto cultural values of male dominance and that the woman must obey the man and not have any interaction with any other man other than her SO. I kept telling him in my US southern belle speak of, son, that dog won't hunt (that won't work) or you're barking up the wrong tree if you think I'll comply. Twice, before the drama went full on, my friends and I tried to set him up with a girl who had more traditional gender role viewpoint and he freaked, screaming that he only went after white women.

That must have been so frustrating. You put time, effort and care into someone, hoping that they improve and can become a functional adult and, like you said, they they repay you with out of control behavior. Wow, the pictures of her tears! You and I both shudder at that. I have so many pictures and videos of him crying like an infant that he sends to make me feel bad and show how much he hurts.

The latest is where he sends me videos, saying that if I would crawl back to him, he would forgive me, but he's sick of my behavior! It took a lot of cute panda, wombat and cat videos to calm me down, plus some heavy workouts.

I still think no contact is the best option for both of us. I think that any attempt to reach out, even to say, leave me alone, would just feed the fire. Obsession and stalking is such a weird thing, something that no rational person can fully grasp. My stalker and I had a break a month prior to the permanent break. Whenever I would say leave me alone for a while or that he needed to get his act together before I would interact with him again, it just fed the obsession.

Thank you so very much for sharing. It has really helped me process the whole thing. Stay strong!