Quote:
Originally Posted by ROK102
I was in a romantic relationship with my now, housemate/best friend from 2014 to around 2017. Today we are best friends and housemates. We both agree that we are better off this way as we are like “brother and sister” now. Our living arrangement is truly symbiotic.
She is physically attractive, has a kind heart, loves animals, but developed some deal-breaking flaws that around 2017, became apparent in conjunction with her experiencing menopause. Among them, a total transformation of personality when she has more than three alcoholic drinks (which occurs often). The condition worsens as more alcohol is consumed.
The transformation is so drastic and severe that I am unable to detect the slightest hint of her sober personality. Quite honestly, I cannot stand being around her when she is in this state. She becomes angry and mean, unpleasant and annoying.
I was with a woman in the past who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Her (our) therapist told her (us) that alcohol was like “firewater” for her. My life was tarnished by this person,
and subsequently contacted law enforcement.
Can anyone offer an explanation for the woman in my current situation, and perhaps some sort of workaround or treatment?
Thanks in advance! |
Three drinks is too many for a woman to consume. Needless to say, more than that is even worse, health-wise. I have provided you with a link:
Drinking Levels Defined | National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA)
The rest of my message is from personal experience. Other people may have other observations/experiences. I have known quite a few people who seemed like the nicest, most wonderful people in the world.
Until they drank. I finally came to the conclusion that the reason
why they could
appear to be the nicest, most wonderful people in the world was
because they had a 'safety valve' that
allowed them to discharge accumulated vitriol (poisonous feelings and rage) in a big huge dump and,
at the same time, somehow fool themselves (and some others, apparently) into thinking it was somehow ok, because they were drunk at the time.
I knew a man who, I finally decided, drank
specifically for that purpose. He was an abuser. Oh, he might have been drunk every time he abused (actually not true, I eventually saw other ways he abused people)--but he was an abuser, all right. <--that was his primary problem. Drink was his
very significant secondary problem.
It's no accident that recovery programs emphasize people rebuilding their lives (their entire lives, physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual) and not just stopping their drug of choice.
Alcohol destroys brains (and livers and kidneys and other body organs) and consumed enough long term, it destroys looks too.
I don't believe menopause is causing your roommate to drink. People so often want to look at externals (the man I mentioned above pointed to his lousy wives (yes, he had several of those in fairly quick succession) stress from their jobs, or thing such as menopause. Life is all about hiccups. I believe we were given the significant cognitive skills we have in order to cope successfully with those hiccups.
Here is the "workaround or treatment" I suggest. Al-anon for you and telling your roommate: stop drinking or we each find another housing situation. Oh, that seems harsh, you might be thinking. Trying to live with an alcoholic is far harsher, in my experience. Enabling an alcoholic is wrong, just in general, and in reality, it usually prolongs their alcoholism.