Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
Some behaviors are just behaviors and habits snd could be adjusted but some behaviors are just who the person is.
People can try to mold themselves and make changes, but it won’t change who they are at their core, so they are very likely to always relapse... because people are who they are (unless someone is very young and still growing)
It’s hard to tell what’s a habit and what’s person’s true nature until we know them for a long time. But even then it’s hard to tell. Hard to tell what habits and behaviors you can live with and what behaviors are absolute deal breakers until you reached that point and can apply it to future relationships. It’s not easy to navigate all that.
You don’t have to make a decision to leave or stay. When you are ready, then you make a decision. For now you can just observe and see how things go. No need to kick yourself or think “what if”. One never knows.
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Thanks, Divine. I appreciate your supportive comments.
No, it's not easy to navigate at all. And it's not easy to discern what is his true nature and personality vs a habit, like you mentioned.
I do have my dealbreakers. And honestly, if I could have left him months ago when this really was bad, I would have. I did not have the means at the time, but I had reached a breaking point right after our wedding then suddenly, things greatly improved for the next six months.
I don't have a LOT of hope right now -- a tiny bit, a sliver. It's troublesome that he still will not admit to having an anger problem.
And his "joke" towards me last night? About me being "hateful"? I realized this morning that just yesterday, I had used that word to describe HIS behavior towards ME last Friday. The same exact word -- so he was projecting his issue onto me, which he does now and again. He projects and deflects all his own issues onto me.
There is only so long that I can take that. If he cannot own up to this behavior and problem on his end, I cannot work with that, it IS a dealbreaker, and this will unfortunately end in divorce. Right now, I feel very trepidatious.
And I am most angry at myself for not putting two and two together last night with his projection and mean joke. I wish I had called him out on it. I am getting far better at calling him out, and I didn't have this realization until this morning. The last thing I am is a hateful person.