You let go of the outcome and pursue meeting your needs regardless of how and what your partners feel about it.

What they feel: anger of frustration or anything else isn’t your problem. It’s on them, not you. You are in charge of your own life (and of course in charge of minor kids to a degree) but other adults are in charge of their own life.

If the person gets mad because you didn’t do XYZ, it’s their problem. Not yours.

I also recommend to do less one sided serving and accommodating. If they are fully paralyzed from the neck down, obviously you have to do more for them, but if they aren’t, they can take care of stuff too. People supposed to take care of each other, give and take.

And my opinion might not be popular but adults must contribute. Either work full time or be retired with retirement/pension or be on disability due to legitimate illness (even then many can work part time), temporary unemployment payments are ok due to loss of a job while looking for another job but not for years to come. Staying home with infants or babies is ok, but not when kids go to
school. Stay at home parent involves kids at home. If kids aren’t home most of the time, it’s not stay at home parent. A friend of mine calls it “stay in bed parent”.

Nothing else suffices for me. No adults would be sitting around not contributing in one of those ways described above while I work and pay all bills. I know my opinion is unpopular so take it with a grain of salt

Reclaim your independence from what they feel or what they think you should be doing