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But while some of the panic attacks I've had this week have come from stress or overwork or whatever, at least one came because I was having a flashback to the abuse. I don't know how to get around that. Rationally, I can tell myself I'm fine now, but when your mind convinces you you're still back there, I don't know how to tell it it's not.

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Hi Candy,

You've hit on the exact point I was talking about.

The trigger is always a trigger 'to' something, a reminder to feel pain.

The mind, subconscious or whatever, has this unfinished business and it wants things put right - it wants justice. But that's not going to happen, these events that hurt us so badly did happen and that can't be undone.

So every time we get a trigger (it could be something as simple as a piece of clothing or one word) the mind goes straight to the pain place. It says "Look, this happened and it still hurts".

The big thing I tried to achieve was to square up the pain, and admit that it happened, and then square up to my mind with the awareness that it is not the event that is hurting me now, it is my own mind. For me, the crucial point is knowing that it is the messenger that's hurting me now, and that messenger is me!

One further strategy. When the trigger happens, instead of thinking 'Oh dear that hurt ME so much' I think 'Yes, that stuff happens to so many of us, and we survive it'. This gets away from the special victim thinking, and it's a really powerful strategy for me. As I've said before, 'survivor' is a tag I will accept anytime, and proud of it.

So, when the trigger comes, it doesn't just remind me of the pain, it reminds me of the strength of survival. I think psychologists call this positive reframing. I don't know what it is, but it has helped me.

Cheers, Myzen