Thank you so much, @divine1966!

I guess I just need people to sit with me and and support me in my feelings right now -- to help me to tolerate and cope with the sadness, the conflicted feelings and the extreme uncertainty.

I am not making any rash decisions or moves, but this is a very uncomfortable spot for me. Very uncomfortable. And most heartbreaking.

I am not good at managing difficult emotions. And I am used to taking quick action to resolve problems.

IF we were just dating and not living together with an intertwined life, including finances? I would have been gone long ago. But it's a marriage and a lifelong commitment I made. I want to give it every chance, but I also need to watch out for and tend to self preservation too.

So I guess I need help with coping with these tough emotions and working through them, while I am dealing with life without a therapist to help me right now. I know no one here can act as my therapist, but people can help support me in my plight. This is truly gut wrenching.