I have an extreme need for attention. It's funny and weird at the same time, because I'm also a shy and socially anxious introvert.

My unhealthy habits include imaging people watching me. I have these elaborate fantasies about having a camera system in my house and people watching and analyzing me. I know there's no such thing, I know nobody's really watching, but the idea of it seems so amazing to me, that I just love to imagine it. I tell myself it's to help me put things into perspective and see myself using the eyes of someone else , but no. Honestly it's just the fact that I desire to be seen, watched and judged by other people.

Sometimes I imagine that Tesla invented the time machine that can also make people invisible. So I fantasy about my history heroes coming into my house, being invisible and watching me and learning about this decade throughout my experiences.

I honestly want to stop doing it. Even though, I know none of it is real, it's become such a huge part of my life that I cannot imagine living without it. Often, I find myself acting out or doing unnatural things to impress my non-existing "stalkers". I fear that in future, this might further and further influence my behavior. My biggest fear is that, once I could lose track of what is real and what isn't and become paranoid or schizophrenic.

Using forums, such as this one, is a part of it too. I have friends irl, I have a partner, caring family, tons of people who care about me, but I choose to share my problems publicly, 'cause it gives me the thrill...

I've alway wanted to be famous. I've always imagined myself as famous and I work in media. About 100 thousand people can see and hear my work each day. Still, it doesn't feed my attention hungry self.

I don't know what to do. I actually feel extremely bad about this. This is a legit and real addiction that I have no idea how to stop.