Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I do understand not wanting to have a blow up fight.
Maybe put it in writing that you think there are things to discuss and if he wants to do it via text/email or in person. It might work better in a text than face to face because it gives him time to think it through
I hate when stuff is out of place. My husband takes travel coffee mugs to work and then leaves them in a car instead of bringing them inside. It’s a pet peeve of mine. He is pretty much bald so no hair brush needed or he’d never hear the end of it if he moved it. I don’t do well with stuff being not where it belongs.
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That's a good suggestion, thanks.
My issue was he didn't ask me if he could take my brush -- he told me he was taking it. It's polite and respectful to ask first before taking something that is your partner's belongings, something they use everyday.
I just called the counseling hotline available to me through work - EAP. In thinking this through more, I do not think this is the right timing to lay on him right now. His father is sick again in the hospital with pneumonia for the fourth time. We're in a pandemic. It's our anniversary tomorrow. And we're both just generally stressed.
I think it may be best for me to just wait on this until the right moment arises, and when his father is out of the hospital.
I am also still processing a lot of what's happening, a lot of what HAS happened, and I am formulating new conclusions every moment.
Like, for instance, he claims and accuses his ex wife of being an abuser, and of being abusive in their relationship to the point he had to exit. Now that I see how he is, I know he was also abusive -- or maybe she never was, and perhaps instead she was
reactively abusive to him in response to HIS abuse.
So... he's been giving me all this time a false story, because of course, he's in denial. it's HIS version, which I am sure he believes in some way. When I have told him point blank that he's being abusive? He turns it around on me and says "No, YOU'RE abusive!" And "you have an anger problem! NOT me!" And "YOU have problems!"
The more I think on this and process it all, the more hopeless I feel about this ever working out. I don't see how it could possibly work unless he finally takes FULL ownership and responsibility for his behaviors, but he's been in denial for this long, why start now?
It may even take me walking out the door on him for him to agree to go to counseling or offer it as solution for holding onto me.
It all feels so hopeless.
I at least feel better in knowing that I am finally facing this more head on and am seeing things for what they truly are. At least I am being honest with myself, and with people here too.
Apologies for writing a novel! lol.