Awww, whatever, I'm sorry you're feeling that way. I very much understand attacking oneself with embarrassment and shame, it happens with my BDD. You're right, it's a VERY painful way to live...

Soooo, I know it's easier said than done, but try to cut yourself some slack. Try to think of yourself as someone else, and the compassion you'd have for them. Maybe treat yourself to some nurturing self-care things. Do you have any rice bags (or similar, even rice in an old sock) that you can heat up? I find them very soothing. I use mine virtually every night. Or play some music you haven't listened to in awhile. Or find some new music on youtube. Just put in something you like, and other suggestions will come up to check out as well. Or watch comedy on there (I watch the heck out of youtube, lol). A few ideas to start anyway. You know better what you like.

I hope you get feeling better soon.