I think you can trust yourself. You are now wiser.
On one side, you are seeing things clearly and have clear your boundaries and you are standing up for yourself. This already should give you a credit.
On another side, you are being compassionate with people who are important in your life, in this case, your husband.

You are doing the best it can be expect from a person, in my opinion.

Don’t put the blame on yourself and your capability to choose. There’s not a perfect marriage but as you saw, the important is that both parties are ready to grow. If your husband can’t do it, you have the right to look for yourself.