I made a 'wedding and year in review' video for my husband for our anniversary before all this went down. I just posted it on his Facebook wall, regardless. It's a really great video, I think.

And now I am crying again. I want to celebrate, and I want to feel happiness. And a part of me does feel some amount of happiness, coupled with pain.

When I watch the video, it's of our happy times together. And it makes me cry and feel very sad for what I am thinking of right now. He has no idea that divorce is seriously on my mind.

He posted on my FB wall a happy anniversary post -- short and sweet, and not gushing like all our friends do.

We have several married friends who GUSH all over each other about how awesome the other person is, how much they're loved and how much they cherish each other and their marriage/relationship.

We're not like that. We never gush about each other, not online at least. It does make me envious of my friends' marriages though. And it makes me sad about ours.