I used to have alcohol as my go-to to numb these emotions. It changed up several times, off and on they were healthy changes.

This isolation has been rough. I'm struggling very badly with wanting to be numb again. I can't keep this **** up. There's too much wrong with too many people. I can't help. I'm a ****ing mess. People think I "got this". Where the hell they got that... I don't know. I fake it good?

I want a drink. I'm trying not to but I just can't.