I feel ashamed for being different. I am 23-years old. I will be completely honest. My entire life I have been alone. And I've had people in my life tell me I am 'wasting my life' away and that I am different. I have never had a girlfriend, not even been on a date. Girls just are not into me. And if they are they are usually not the ones I end up liking. It's kind of sad, any girl that I truly like just ends up not liking me so I have gave up regarding that. So because of this I don't actively go out and search for relationships like other guys my age, I kind of just figure one day I will somehow meet the right person. I guess also because growing up i was rejected a lot socially and so i invested all of my energy in doing well in school (straight A's in college) because I knew that was in my control and not someone else accepting me.

I just don't know if there is anyone like me. Like someone who hated there early years but loved getting older. I feel like my generation is the opposite "live it now because you can't later", while in many reasons I feel like I can't live now but I will be able to later. It just seems like it comes easier to everyone else. I've been told by family and people I work with that I am different and [I]yes[I] it hurts.

I've been rejected so many times in my life that entertaining the idea of a girl actually liking me for me sounds impossible, almost like a miracle. It just seems like I don't connect w/my generation. I care more about enlightening others, science, etc, while most people my age want to get 'wasted' and hook-ups. and it feels lonely. I don't know where I belong. I feel like I have failed my family because I have not had much social experience, and that I am failing at life as a result. Has anyone on here been like me before??

I just look back at my life. See people my age and much younger have birthday parties, gatherings, etc. Relationships. I've never had it. The most important people in my life end up 'ghosting' me. They use me (ex: place to stay) and never talk to me or they talk to me because they have no one else to talk to, and I know this because I get ghosted when they get settled. I do get jealous. I do get angry. I don't take it out on others. I just find it so so hard.