I am awake yet again at 3 AM. I haven't been able to sleep through the nights very well lately. Lots on my mind. Then my husband eventually wakes up and calls for me to come back upstairs to bed.

I am clearly disturbed about all of this. I've never been up at night like this before. I've never not been able to sleep. It's most unsettling.

And everyone (all our friends) were wishing us a happy anniversary yesterday. My parents even stopped by to give us two dozen roses and a balloon. They have no idea what's going on. My sister knows, because I confided in her about this at one point. My sister is behind me.

I wish I felt better. I hate this.