I have a construction background. I've been pursued to return to every position and employer that I've left. I've dealt with some difficult men in difficult situations. BUT, I've never been a manager. I questioned why for years, but in the last two years I can see in myself that it is because, while I do very good work, I am not good at holding people to hard expectations. I like to be nice. I'm sure my employers see that.

I've dealt with some serious attempts at intimidation at work at times. Some of these I chose to confront, and some of these I avoided.

At home, I avoid it. I really avoid it. I am way more intimidated by my wife than I am by people I encounter through my work. I know that she needs me, truly needs me, but it is her who can threaten to walk away from me.

In my previous post someone said something about holding adults accountable; provide income, or look after the home, or disability income, or at least be appreciative and nice. I've been thinking about that since.

I've been trying to think of what boundaries I would adhere to with my wife. I don't think I have many. I trust her decision making more than my own.

I know people look at me from the outside as being a real "guy" in a lot of ways. I'm pretty comfortable saying that I'm employable in a number of sectors. I'm pretty darn self sufficient at home, as a home owner and as a parent. I commented to a friend recently that I wished I was more self-sufficient at home, and he and his wife looked at each other, then told me that part of their "worst case scenario, end of times, storm of the century, apocalypse plan" was to come to our house.

I thought being a man meant being responsible. My inherent fault is that I have few boundaries, and far less with my wife than anyone else.

Today, I have to ask her to accept more responsibility around here with a couple of things, and I am dreading it. I am dreading the possible push back, the possible counter attack. It's easier and less damaging to not ask, or not point out how much more I am already doing.

R.D. Mercer