yesterday's session with T, did NOT go well. the ending sucked. He would not let me not answer the question of are you safe. I told him I was physically safe, just not mentally. He wanted a yes or a no... I was indifferent. I am mad at him for trying to get past my defenses.

I do need to call today, but I dON"T want too!!! So much of this is hard to go through but I Have an important test to do to discover what is wrong with my digestive system. I do NOT want to miss that.

I need to call him and do a check in but I don't want to slip up and say yes I do want what I can't have. I don't want to know his reaction. Most likely it would be the hospital. and RIght now is not the time. I am almost done with my quarter in school. Even if it is triggering to do. I'll pass and I guess that is all it matters.

I hate my life.