This ^^ stood out to me the most. I find it really contradicts everything you've said about yourself and how I understand you to be, yet you feel this, anyway.

I think Open Eyes made a good parallel between your alcoholic father and your wife. I see a lot of truth in this.

It also stands out to me personally because my partner says this exact thing about me. In our situation, though, his thinking is correct because of all he puts out there (I won't get into it). In your situation, I see you as the strength.. so my advice would be to separate your views you have of your wife from that you have of your dad. You are no longer a helpless victim like you were as a child.

Set those boundaries. Maybe use the pandemic as an excuse to fuel some changes, and don't engage in her reactions. If she gets defensive , tell her you'd like to continue the conversation at a later time.. that it's a problem that warrants a discussion.

You can do this! You're taking steps already. I get you are concerned for her health. At the same time, we can't help those who refuse to help themselves "somehow".