One major thing I have realized: it is a process for a person to figure out leaving their spouse. It's not a simple process and it takes mental and emotional preparation. I have to be ready to say "that's it then. We're done" if he refuses to take ownership of his issues and go to counseling with me. I am not there yet. I am still processing. I am still needing to strengthen my courage to do this -- to 1) confront him with an ultimatum and 2) to then leave him if I need to. We JUST had our wedding anniversary, and of course, I have some mixed emotions. And right now, everything is back to normal and loving and sweet again. It's really hard to face leaving a marriage, and a commitment that one has made. And now I can see this.