Fibromyalgia/Chronic Fatigue Syndrome is still consuming my life. My Rheumatologist prescribed me Tapentadol, an opioid, as nothing else was touching my sometimes severe pain. Took my first dose today. It seems to be helping. He also wants me to start probiotics again. They are expensive but he insists they may help my fatigue as they apparently work to help the health of the mitochondria in each cell(the part that is the energy powerhouse of each cell). I will start tonight. At 0.80c a day they better help. Oh well, two more tablets to add to the pile of meds and supplements.

Mentally I am generally peaceful which is great. However, regularly throughout the day I am bombarded with memories of decades of suffering. It is not distressing but it does fill me with grief. It also makes me realise just how mentally unwell I was. It is shocking. I always downplayed how ill I was but even my T agrees I have been on the severe end of the scale. It has also occurred to me that I was psychotic more often than I realised. Since I started taking Ziprasidone(Geodon) in February last year all my bipolar symptoms have vanished. It is like I was living under thick cloud cover for decades and now it is sunny skies. Everything always felt a little ominous and off. Now I am so, sooooooo grateful for the sunny skies.

Even though my physical health is very poor right now having peace of mind is a gift. I am so thankful. I had been thinking of starting to come off my meds (Ziprasidone and Lithium) but my T helped me see that now is not the time. He also thinks I may need to be on Ziprasidone for life as I responded so well to it. One day I can test that theory and jump back on if I need it, but for now I will keep things as they are except for slowly reducing my Benzo dose. I have been on high dose benzodiazepines for ten years so it is going to be a long journey to get off them.

Hope you are all managing ok during this pandemic. Hugs to those who need them.