All of this has given me a lot to think about. Me moving out in September is individualizing and separating myself from the dysfunction and claiming my own life. I am my own person, I'm LGBTQ+ and open despite abuse said to me about it. I absolutely refuse to live in a closet at this point. Yes, i need to grieve and yes I'm in therapy. These things don't derail me as often as the used to, I'm usually a pretty happy pulled together person.

I know I'm going to forgive them at some point, and everything will be happy and fine. I do need to get away from here. My brother is an addict, and narcissistic, abusive...and unstable. The police have come over so many times since last year. There are days I wake up and the police are here dealing with a domestic dispute between him and my parents. I try to stay out of it. I've spoken with them once about how I feel unsafe, lock my door at night. There is often fighting and screaming and erratic behavior. I've been threatened, my brother has said he hopes I die and would be happy if I died. I've needed the push to get out of here for a while, and I'm proud of myself for being like "Yeah, I'm done with this hell hole. I'm out." And going off to live my best life.