going through a rough situation with my wife of 4 years. we have two daughters (irish twins) 1 and 2. in january she went back to work, i was for the first time realizing what it means to raise two children without any help.

i WFH and she is in person, so she worked during my "scheduled" hours and i would juggle kids and work and i am only human, i was stressed out.

this created a distance between us as i felt exhausted after watching the kids and working, when she came home i would check out and want to spend time with her.

one night i noticed she was talking weird and i found opiates in her backpack, i reacted and flushed them down the toilet as i woke her up and she was infuriated. she pushed me and proceeded to tell me all the things she thought about me, very verbally abusive. i could not decide to leave or go after hearing such hurtful things.

the next morning she acted as if nothing happened... the night after i noticed her on her phone the whole night ignoring our kids and me, i thought nothing of it and went to sleep, but i was unable to get to sleep. she started to push me as if to see if i was awake. i did not budge as i was curious why she would do this, eventually i heard her get up and talking either to herself or someone.

the next time she went to work i was curious and found a lot of new underwear, clothes i had never seen, and started paying attention to how she would do her nails every week (never done before) losing weight (10 lbs in 2 months) not eating, telling me stories that she told me before not remembering if she had told me them before, acting as if she was sexually interested in me by having sex every day.

every time i ask her about the cheating, she denies and it changes between being angry at me, crying, etc.

i can't decide if i am being paranoid and pushing her away or if she is lying about cheating and/or using drugs and really good at lying to me.

the back and forth and gaslighting in conjunction with COVID has made me unsure about what to do.