hello,

I hope all of you are somewhat getting through the current corona crisis on top of other things.

I wanted to ask something, just really for myself to get an idea, because I feel a bit hopeless. Last session, my T started to talk about how I pull and then push people away. The previous T had also mentioned that, and I recognize it from my own feelings too - small things which happen between me and someone else have in the past been prompts for me to cut down contact altogether, or to withdraw temporarily without really addressing any issue.

I'm sad about it because of how this has affected my relationships over the course of my life so far, and my still present inability to develop deep and meaningful relationships with others. It feels like something so alien to me, many things I hear other people say which indicate how much they care for others, I personally hardly ever experience (feeling that for others). I wish I did, I feel so 'cold' and distant a lot of the time. It's really like living a shadow life with a big, crucial part missing.

To others who have (had) this pattern: has anything helped you change this for the better? What have you found helpful?