That’s a tricky one. it’s quite common to feel defensive about ones kids and parents. It’s a sensitive topic. It hits too close to home

My dad is a pain in a neck. But I’d not want my husband pointing it out. It’s not because i am clueless or defensive, it’s because criticizing ones parents is one thing but hearing criticism from other people (who aren’t my dad’s kids) is a bit tricky.

My husbands dad was quite terrible, he passed away before we’ve met. When my husband share some things I listen but I am careful to comment unless he asks what I think. He wasn’t my father, he is not for me to criticize.

It’s the same with kids. I might have some critical thoughts about my daughter but I absolutely wouldn’t engage in such discussion with my husband (he isn’t her father) and I never criticize my stepkids. I listen if my husband does, but I don’t offer opinions (unless he asks what’s my take on it). These topics are always too sensitive and not every opinion is welcome

Your husband might see how badly his dad behaves but is not willing to discuss it. it’s a very sensitive topic.

I agree with Bill about bringing up a story or example of neutral unrelated people as an example of bad behavior. Then I’d expect your husband not to be defensive and acknowledge that certain behaviors are bad. Then he might be able to reflect on his own behavior.