Thanks everyone.

I think what Lady said resonates the most for me. He takes it as an attack on himself because he’s just like his father. I’ve even made this connection for him in the past. So it’s accurate to say that he took it as an attack on himself and not just as a judgement of his father. I didn’t say anything different than what he’s said except for mentioning that yelling is never ok. In my opinion I should be allowed to state to my own husband that his father is abusive. But of course, I can’t because then that means he’s abusive too. Which is what I need to get at.

He’s able to point out in others that yelling and anger are meant to intimidate. He must know to some extent what he’s doing when he yells.