Yesterday he made another mean "joke" directed at me about me not taking good care of our cats. I take very good care of them, even though they're HIS cats that he brought into the household, I treat them as our cats. I feed them and change their water - we share this responsibility. He is in charge of changing their litter, since I do all the dishes in the house. It works out well. But his cutting remark made me angry, and I once again told him that mean jokes are NOT funny, that they're put downs, and that we had already discussed this. I also said "ok then. I will make mean comments about you, and see how you feel being put down, cut down and treated unfairly." He became quiet then and said again that he won't joke with me in that way.

Women on other abuse support forums where I am a member always tell me to leave him. They tell me "you're going to be dealing with this issue for the rest of your life - it's exhausting and demoralizing." These women have suffered at the hands of verbal and emotional abuse for many many years and never left, so they're speaking from experience.

I guess I have a TINY TINY sliver of hope left. It's ever so small, but it's there. Most of me feels like it's hopeless and that it's going to end. I want to be realistic.

At the same time, I HAVE seen changed behaviors in him, after I've called him out on something and after I put my foot down. Yet, is that just temporary change, and then he slips back again into his old ways? And then I have to start all over again with him? Or can permanent changes with therapy actually occur? These are hypothetical questions that no one can really answer.

And now? Now he's sort of in a love bombing phase, I think? He's showering me with love and affection. And this morning, he told me "we're meant to be together" because we snuggle together all night, totally intertwined, as though he's trying to solidify with me that we cannot separate, or trying to convince me.

I've read that after an incident of abuse, that they "love bomb". So is that all this is? The good behavior and all the loving behavior is actually a deliberate manipulation, done in order to keep me "hooked"?

I am questioning everything right now. Everything.