I am bothered by the fact that you blame yourself for being sick. Yes you may have acted in ways that others don't understand and are uncomfortable with but that is the illness not a choice. If a friend disconnects because they are unable to understand or deal with it then what kind of friend are they? The illness you have just IS WHAT IT IS. You are in treament and that is all you can do. To take blame for it is wrong. You did not choose it to live with. If it affect your behavior at times so be it. A real friend wants to understand and knows how to stand by. Example: when I am manic I tell my friends and also not to answer their phone if I call. If it is urgent I can leave a message. At some point I just can't stop talking. I educate them as to what I am like. Yes I have also been rejected a few times or dumped. I just tell myself it's not about me but their attitude. Hope this helps.