Dear Clairetheconfused,

I am very, very sorry you are suffering. It is utterly heartbreaking what you have gone through and are still going through. You have endured so much. I think you are really heroic.

Since I am not a physician or medical professional I really do not know much about things. The human brain is so mysterious and does so many things that surprise us or make us uncomfortable. I believe, and I could be quite wrong, that abuse does damage to the brain and it cries out for help in our thoughts and feelings. You seem extremely aware of what your brain is doing. Most people do not have that level of awareness in my opinion.

Although my circumstances are quite different than yours, I was helped enormously by medication and therapy. It was a long road for me. Hopefully many people here will see your post and respond to you with compassion and understanding, encouragement and consolation and good ideas. People who have not suffered the things you have suffered cannot really understand. I think the real heroes in life are people like you. Wish I knew how to be helpful to you since I really admire you.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen