Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I am glad you are seeing a therapist. Is it virtual?
I’d not necessarily call it an ultimatum because you didn’t tell verbatim what will happen. You said you’ll have a problem or something like that. He didn’t ask what you meant and you didn’t specify. So I’d not worry now that you must leave if he acts out again. On the other hand if you think he understood it as an ultimatum then it’s tricky. If he relapses and you don’t leave then he’ll know he can do pretty much anything and you’ll still be there. Ultimatums are tricky. I gave an ultimatum once and followed through but i think deep inside I was one foot out anyways and was pretty much giving myself a permission to leave. It makes decision making easier.
I’d run by a therapist and see what they think. They might even have ideas on how to approach your husband so he improves his behaviors
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It's a phone appt with the therapist -- not video or virtual.
Well, that's not quite accurate. Let's put it this way: I set the stage already for giving him an ultimatum. I told him on no uncertain terms, "I don't want this ever happening again -- not ever. I will
not tolerate it any further. The next time this does happen, we are going to have a serious problem".
So next I will say, "now we have a serious problem. Either you get help, or I am leaving you."
And I will inform him that it was a condition of mine for marrying him that he
never raise his voice at me again. He promised he would not, and he's broken that promise many times. I will tell him I've had it, that I will no longer put up with it, and I am out the door if he doesn't seek help. I've already set the stage many times over for saying this to him. So it should come as no real surprise to him.
And I
will leave if he doesn't agree to seeing a therapist. Something broke in me the last time this happened, a little over a week ago. Something snapped and I know I am at the end. He's raised his voice at me too many times now. And I'm done. It's purely toxic, and I know I cannot exist in that kind of relationship for long.