Decided to make some pretty major changes to the novel. Much happier with the level of tension now. Ratcheted way up from the outset. I actually moved the big disaster, which had been on like, page 350 or so, to the very first scene. It is really working.

Injured my back, actually, mostly doing too deep of a pigeon/cow's face pose on my right hip. Ouch. Been really hurting a lot. Hard to sleep. Bit better day by day, though, so that is good. No bike for now, though. Way too hot anyway.

Hypo stuff is gone. Pretty euthymic right now and not really psychotic at all. Very thankful for all that.

Some major conflict with my very unstable ex. She is basically an officially undiagonsed borderline person. She has just refused ever to consider it, though, she quite obviously does have it--big-time. Issue right now is, I do still have to interact with her on money and child issues and it is just so difficult for me. She is actually not capable, her brain is physically incapable of experiencing empathy. She is unable to take the perspective of another person. Just not doable for her. This makes interactions quite difficult, because, unless all things are totally rosy and to her liking, some type of blame will be assigned to me rather colorfully. Tonight, I was accused of sending her into an emotional tailspin because I was trying to discuss dog issues with her. She announced that her mother had 6 months to live and I was ruining her life. But noone had told me her mom was sick? I did not know that.


Anyhoo, typical, you-must-read-my-mind and everytihng-I-have-ever-done-is-perfect-in-every-way stuff. Classic. She will only take ownership of things she views as positive reflections on her. What this means is, I can never bring any concern I may have up with her. She will just freak on me, and then proceed to turn it all around 180 degrees and gaslight me. And she has no idea she is doing any of this.

So, I should cut all contact. That would be my best move. But of course, I cannot. We have a child together. I support her and her children financially and have for years and years. On and on.

Anyway, did some breathing and meditating and am doing all right, despite all this. I need to adjust my expectations of her downward further. That will help me a lot. She can only do what she can do and, sadly, in teh emotion regulation realm--that is just not very much.