I've always struggled at times with Suicidal thinking, Its just part of my particular Bipolar soup. Most days its a passing thought, Other times when I am not doing well I need to pull out my safety plan and work the steps and hurdles and reach out for help...

My T asks the same questions per the companies policy if I have wanted to go to sleep and not wake up , Have I thought of ending things and if so how ? and do I plan to carry that out..

My husband has been very sick for a month now... When I talked to my T 2 weeks ago, he asks me the questions.. Reality hit me .. I do not have the "luxury" of thinking about suicide anymore, When I would either get shoved into a situational hopeless place or my chronic pain had me once again thinking .... Why ? what is the point of getting up each day..

I cant day dream that I no longer exist, or not have chronic pain that is so bad it hurts to breath, I cant escape into that place that often honestly is comforting, knowing I can pick and choose to stay or go.. the "thinking" was a coping skill and now its been ripped away from me...

This is something I need to talk to my T about....