Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
I think I used to be more decisive.
When you seek validation from someone for years, it becomes easy to let them make a lot of the decisions and you just fulfill them.
I've reached a point that I second guess myself a lot at home.
I'm not someone that manages people at work, but I do interact with people a lot in a mentoring role. At work, I'm very decisive, and I know I make good decisions, both for my workplace and for the people around me.
I'm a good parent. I question my parenting some, but I'm a good parent.
Decisions that directly involve my wife, I will usually defer to her, and just enact what she wants. Sometimes it's because I worry I'm not seeing things from her side enough, and sometimes it's not worth the argument.
RDM
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That creates a great power imbalance in the relationship -- it makes your wife in charge of all decisions, and you in a submissive role.
To correct that, you can start taking charge far more than you have been. You can and should involve her in the decision making process as your EQUAL partner, but you can have an opinion of your own that matters and which weighs into the decision. You can then come to a mutual decision together, with both opinions being heard and considered, which is what a more equally balanced relationship involves. If you can do this at work, you can certainly do this at home. You have to be clear going into a conversation about your own preference and opinion on the matter. And then voice it.
It may be eye opening to you to see how she responds when you start having more of an opinion and when you want your opinion and preferences to weigh into any decision.