Started a new pain med last week. Teptentadol (I think), an opioid. Taking small XR dose once a day most days in the last week. It helped immensely with the severe pain. Seemed like no problems until I hardly slept last night and quickly descended into a horrible experience that is still continuing tonight after taking a dose at 1 pm today. Sweating, racing heart, shaking, paranoia, reality distorting and becoming more vivid, racing thoughts, euphoria, and obsession.

Happened to be seeing my T today and was in contact with him throughout the afternoon. He wanted me to contact my pdoc but I don’t trust he would reply. Something which I can’t handle right now. I have a scheduled online appointment with pdoc tomorrow anyway.

T suggested Seroquel. I resisted as I was scared of taking drugs but finally took some a couple of hours ago. This slowed my heart a little but I’m still on the edge of reality. So paranoid and scared. At least I know something is wrong but how long that will last I don’t know. It happened so suddenly.

Obviously I have to stop the pain med. so frustrating as no other pain meds we’re working and the pain can get to the level of feeling like I’ve been shot in the stomach. Scared to tell my pdoc about this tomorrow. Don’t know why. Usually I trust him. It is also my mothers 70th birthday tomorrow so I can’t go mad or I’ll ruin her birthday. Nearly 8 pm here and I’m still wired and obsessive. Would think I had hypomania but I have no energy. Not depressed either. Just losing my mind. If I had the energy I would be out doing crazy stuff. Just feeling wild. Worried.