Hope everybody’s staying safe and healthy! I really need help with some aggravation I’m holding toward my 3 best friends who I hung out with in the city before shelter in place orders abounded in Texas. My former microbiologist and doctor parents, who I’m currently living with, gave me the green light to follow through with my plans with these friends based on the local newscasts but then I realized how stupid I was to say yes to going to the city when I came home. When I was out of pocket, Trump declared COVID 19 a pandemic, after my friends entrusted me as the designated driver all weekend, dragging me to arcades, malls, restaurants and bars, all of which were packed during a weekend the numbers began to increase in the region. What drove me over the edge is that my friends were just as brainless as I am, as they had very specific plans to visit bars in the area with detailed dress codes, and on my second night of the weekend trip I was harassed by a bouncer for not wearing jeans, the preferred attire to the area bars. All of this was done without much planning or consideration for the status of the outbreak.

Thankfully I had no symptoms and the family members I came into contact with following the trip didn’t get sick. But I’m not a fellow who lets go of wrong-doings easily, especially when I sense a lack of closure. In the weeks following that trip and coming home to a worsening crisis, I was very irritable (almost opposite of who I am), wanting to get revenge on that bouncer and staying up into the wee hours worrying about passing viruses to my parents or my nearby elderly grandmother. I frequently text these friends, but days of wanting some space to cool down and collect my thoughts without constantly contacting them turned into a few weeks, and even then I’d be hard-pressed to even speak or hang out with these same people until a vaccine comes along. Plus various annoyances factored into my current state, like some nagging I missed a turn, or to hurrying with the group to the bars, and the two guy friends in the group joked with me with hooking up with women around me, which in my current singleness I’m more sensitive to that topic than most. Even way after all this happened I’m drained and have had worsening germaphobe habits, and sure hope I never have to set foot in a bar again. I can have wild fun at the clubs but they’re not my main interest.

I’m done griping. Sorry you’ve had to see this. But these are some of my best friends and I don’t want to be stepped on like I sense even closest friends seem to enjoy doing to me.

Any boundaries I could maybe set? Is there anybody here that can help me forgive my friends and myself?