My 3yr old is closing off. She's become avoidant, protective of dad, and up and down with me. I don't know how to help her though this. She's very young.

All she knows is that covid19 has shut everything down. Mom and dad are stressed. Dad is crying and leaning on her for emotional support. Mom is reacting to dad.. and has since started acting out.

Everything changed between her and I when I finally opened the front door one day, leaned into dad, and told him to get out!!.. and in front of the girls. At the time, he was feeding "stories" into their heads about me. I repeatedly asked him to stop, as I was feeding the little one. I covered my ears .. but he wasn't interested in me at all. He wanted to speak to our daughter and his sister through the wall. All this because I brought up a concern I had against him. I scared my girls, though. Dad immediately shouted for me to get my hands off him. It's "physical abuse"! That's when I learned about Reactive Abuse. That means nothing to a 3yr old. She saw "mom pushing dad."

That's when she started telling dad she loves him. Before that day, she refused. She told me she loved me in "excess" but purposely avoided telling dad. Maybe she sensed my sadness. The next day she announced that she "loves dad, again!" and was very happy about it.

Dad asked me what I thought caused her sudden change to be more affectionate towards him. I suspected he knew because that's when the name calling increased for a while, looking to her for her reaction. (It has since decreased due to his most recent attempts to turn things around.)

I feel like I've lost that special bond we always had because she's feeling sorry for dad. I'm trying to keep her out of these scenarios but it hasn't always been easy. I tell her "mom and dad are working through a problem, together. Everything will be ok and we both love them very much."

She tells me she has "secrets", and I believe it's because a book we read a lot talks about secrets vs. surprises.. and so now she's being oppositional about it because she's confused.

She's a lovely little girl. This breaks my heart. She still tells me she loves me, wants to spend 1-to-1 time with me, and wants me to cuddle with her.. but if there's anything going on between dad and I, she stands by his side and bottles up against me. I feel like the problem. I don't yell. I try to limit emotional conversations to texts and emails.. but she senses things.

I don't know what to tell her. I wish I could get into her head.