I'm praying for you. please try to read the book 'You Can Heal Your Life by Louise L. Hay'.. (there is a audio version of this book on youtube, or you may be able to find e-version of this book via your library on hoopla or overdrive apps). It may be hard to believe that a book can change our perspective in a day (especially when we're facing hard times like today), but please have faith in it.