Thanks for replying you guys. It is really like I can't take care of myself. I mean I really can't. Here I am, 51 and dreading calling my father and asking for money to pay February's rent! 51 and still needing my father. I know I am lucky to have my dad still around and (hopefully) willing to help. And I have great friends who offer spiritual and emotional support and loving siblings who have given spiritual, emotional and financial support. But.....

I always try to look on the good side of life. Who wants to look at cr*p?! Basicly I am a happy person who s*cks at life. I once told my therapist that I was depressed not unhappy. Make sense? I tell myself all the time GROW UP. When I just wanna go home.