All of this is most sobering. Each morning I have a heavy weight in my heart - of sadness and pain.

I was so vulnerable when we first met, coming off the heels of two breakups, one of which was most painful and traumatic. I had also just lost one of my jobs (I was working two part time jobs at the time), and I was living at home with my parents.

I wrote in my journal of the red flags I saw early on with him, but I decided to give him a chance despite the red flags because he came across as such a nice guy.

Then my parents stated very firmly that I had to move out of my home ASAP because they were selling. This was within one month of us dating.

Within 6 weeks of dating, we decided to move in together. He also was kicked out of his home because it was a favor done for him after his divorce and the landlord didn't want him living there anymore. We both needed a home. I searched for other roommates for weeks, not wanting to move in with a new man I was dating. I couldn't find anyone - not a single person who was suitable. I put up ads, I made many phone calls, and I met several people in person. Nothing worked out. Then my now husband offered for us to move in together. At first I said "no, that's far too soon and a crazy thought". Then I got desperate and two weeks later said yes. Within just 2 months of dating, we moved in together.

It turns out that my parents did not sell or move for an entire year plus after they said I must move out ASAP. I could have stayed longer, but they were so insistent on ASAP, despite my having lost a part time job.

It's my own fault - I could have pushed them to allow me to stay longer, but in part, I also blame my parents for kicking me out when I was down in life and desperate. It wasn't good time.

And that's what catapulted my relationship forward into an engagement and then a marriage - was moving in together. He wooed me for months about getting married. I was weakened and vulnerable. Within one month of dating, he was saying to me that he had found "the one". He even cried tears of joy to me, which at the time, I thought was most genuine and real. I was touched by it, but also saw it as a red flag.

And now? I curse myself for having been SO weak and SO vulnerable. I am not angry at my parents, or maybe I am. I just wish they hadn't been so adamant about me moving out when I was in a pickle. And here was this dashingly handsome man, trying to sweep me off my feet.

Man was I STUPID. SO STUPID. I am angry at myself. This really IS a process of varying emotions on a day-to-day basis. Every day I feel something new.

Today I feel anger and regret for the mistakes I made. I wish I had insisted upon a longer engagement OR insisted upon NOT getting engaged after 7 months of dating. I wish I didn't have to move out of my parents' home so quickly. I wouldn't be in this position now had I just been smarter and stronger. But I wasn't.

To me this doesn't spell doom for us. It's just how I am feeling right now. It was a whirlwind courtship, he wooed me like crazy, and now I am just looking back at how fast it all really was.

Now I would caution anyone to take their time, and most especially if there are red flags seen.