Many people with OCD question their own sexuality, but I question the sexuality of every girl I'm ever interested in.

I was in a relationship with an abusive lesbian once (fyi, I'm a guy). Don't question how that works, I assume she was biromantic. I knew this girl for ages and had been obsessively chasing her for years before I got to be with her, but it messed me up so much.

I was constantly treated like I wasn't good enough. She was polyamorous and constantly interested in other girls. The whole ordeal even made me believe myself I was transsexual. Subconsciously I just never felt good enough as a man.

I didn't realize the scars this left in my mind until I loved another girl years later. When I suspected she may be bisexual I panicked so hard. My heart rate exceeded 180 bpm, I began to seek reassurance she was straight. I realized I could never subject myself to what I'd been through again.

Not only was my self-esteem shattered as I was abused and manipulated emotionally, but this became a huge trigger for my OCD.

When I found myself in another relationship I could not stop obsessing about her sexual orientation. In my obsession I have done so much research on girls' sexuality. My OCD became extremely bad as my OCD always made me fear her sexuality might change if I don't do my compulsions.

It eventually got better down the line but the relationship failed in the end for different reasons.

When online dating these days I always need to ensure these girls are completely straight before I approach them. I don't simply trust their profile description after all the studies and research I've done, showing how many women experiment or watch lesbian porn. It's something I couldn't handle.

I found another interesting girl and we got along well until she unveiled she had relationships with other girls in the past after about 2 weeks of talking. Despite completely labeling herself as straight. I ceased communication immediately. I cannot describe the gut wrenching emotion I felt when I read that she was in a lesbian relationship twice.

Just as I made progress on overcoming OCD, this happens, and it makes me feel like it's a punishment for ignoring my compulsions.

My relationship trauma is awful and coupled with OCD it's even worse. I cannot trust women anymore and I feel like I should just stay out of relationships. I could not emotionally cope being with someone that wasn't completely straight.

I am ridiculed by my best friend for feeling this way. Other guys would love to have their girlfriend express interest in other girls. Not me. It's killing me inside.

I want this OCD to stop.