Welcome to Psych Central, Avacado. I'm sorry you are in this most difficult situation. Here are links to 3 articles, from Psych Central's archives, that (hopefully) may be of some help in understanding what you are experiencing. Included is a link to a podcast on living with addicted parents. (I made the assumption here that you are, perhaps, a teen & included a link to an article on coping with emotions as a teen. If you're not a teen please pardon my error.):

The Trauma of Children of Addicts and Alcoholics

Podcast: The Trauma of Living with Addicted Parents

Techniques for Teens: How to Cope with Your Emotions