Where I'm at right now, I believe that I reached the state of saying "F*k it" when I left therapy in October because by that point, after almost 8 years of seeing/talking with L, the convolutedness of our particular therapeutic dyad-slash-"relationship" had begun to cause much more pain than good, and I just couldn't be in it anymore.


Of course, there was a preponderance of good that came from it too and I remain hugely grateful for the experience overall... so now, about 7 months later I am beginning to look back on said relationship quite fondly and almost want to go back for help dealing with the current world situation.

Almost. But no. I'm learning how to get by with the support of my small group of friends, and also learning how to be there for them, too and so far anyway, despite a hiccup here and there, it's okay. I'm okay. And I'm okay with okay.