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Originally Posted by divine1966
I don’t believe you should be telling 3 and 1 year olds that mom and dad have problems. They are too young for this information.
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I haven't said anything to my 1yr old. My 3yr old senses something, even though we're not outwardly arguing at the moment. My intent is to reassure her that everything will be ok and that we're working together to fix something we don't agree on. I don't go into any details and I talk with her in a positive tone. I think it's worse I say nothing at all. She knows "something" is up and I want her to feel like we are working together.. that's my angle, anyway.
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seems like both you and your partner involve children into your conflicts, it’s not recommended. Their extreme attachments to one parent and then switching to another is them seeking immediate comfort and trying to calm their anxiety.
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I'm not trying to but she's been affected so I'll keep this in mind. I don't want to inadvertently push her away from me and maybe I am.
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Your daughter behaves like many children who grow up in volatile and abusive households. I don’t think you can get into her head and make her change her mind or behavior, kids learn by observing, their behavior is a product of their environment, currently their environment is unhealthy. If you want healthier behavior, kids need to be in a healthier environment.
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We've definitely had issues come up but we are not creating a volatile environment. Most of our heated conversations take place via text. Prior to covid19, we were really busy parents so we didn't have much opportunity to argue. It hasn't been great but we both put a lot of work into the Attachment Parenting model.. spend a lot of time reading books together, building lego, painting rocks.. going out. I do think she's pushing back these days, yes. Volatile? No.
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Could you see a therapist yourself? Soon your older daughter will need therapy as well. Your kids are being traumatized
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Traumatized? No. There's been some tension lately, yes. As I've said, we've had our slip-ups but most of it is discussed via text. I come here to vent a lot. There's uncertainties for her, for sure.
I have thought about counseling for myself but I'm not really sure what to address. Maybe I can focus on parenting during a time of stress?