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I feel like the biggest loser writing this by the way

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All the more courageous of you for sharing it.
I was a single parent, I loved my little boy so, so, much, but as I look back now on the terrible mistakes I made I live with the sadness of the losses. I'm gonna say some things and I hope they'll be helpful and not hurtful, but I'll say them because at the time when I was a parent I would have benefitted by someone telling me a few things.

You obvously really love your little girl, and you want the best for her, but from what I know, what you are doing is getting involved in a way that your needs are taking over from her true needs. She needs to learn friendship and to play as little dhildren do, learning to share, imagining games, fighting, getting over it ect, not manipulating and flirting, she needs to learn kindness towards this little boy, and also how to begin to lead her own independent little freindships too. These things will bring her real self esteem as well as life skills.
The healthy thing for her to be doing now is to be learning to have your love to go with her inside her as she learns to little by little become independent in small amounts, whilst still being close and able to rely on you.

In order to free her to do that, as Perna says it would be important for you to find other loving ways to nurture yourself and feel good about yourself, as well as this, to understand you own needs in this, what is it that you need that is fulfilled by seeing your daughter having this attention, and of course, your own history will probably help you understand.

I think you did a brave thing to ask questions, it takes a good parent to be able to do this, our parenting is so, so personal, and many are closed books.
I hope this is useful

best of luck,

river