Quote:
Originally Posted by TishaBuv
Does your husband disagree that yelling is a problem? Maybe he grew up with it and thinks it’s normal. What matters is, it’s a problem FOR YOU. Surely he can’t deny that.
I’ve suffered greatly from my reaction to my issue with my husband. I’m on meds now and been diagnosed with (varying) things.
The marriage counseling mostly concluded my husband is very anxious and I have emotional dysregulation, based on how intensely I reacted to our problem (which I disagree is dysregulation due to it happening over and over for years.). It was maddening.
Even through all the dysfunction, I had so many reasons to stay.
You are in a much more independent position. You shouldn’t have to put up with misery.
I shouldn’t have put up with misery either, but I fear I did my part because I must really have a disorder. I’m not sure, and this makes me feel lucky he puts up with me!
But, like you, there’s no doubt he’s doing something to me, just like your husband is definitely yelling at you.
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I'm sorry for the position you are in. It sounds complicated, and perhaps even confusing.
My husband grew up with an angry and explosive father, so yes, in part it's normal to him and acceptable because his mother never left his father. He even tried to excuse his father's explosions by saying his mother was to blame for overspending his father's money. So that means that yelling at her was justified.
Mine is fairly straight forward: I refuse to stay in a marriage that is abusive, even if it is on and off.
I refuse to be yelled at. No healthy relationship involves yelling and screaming at each other, calling each other nasty names and accusing the person of having major problems, which is what he does. He tries to blame ME and any problem i do have for our fights, when HE is the problem. And I see this very clearly. He gaslights me.
And yes, I am independent and luckily have the means to leave him. And I have NO problem doing that if this is going to continue on.