I find what you have shared about your relationship with your husband and both your behaviors in front of her extremely triggering. You are actually both triangulating with this very innocent BABY. She is experiencing cognitive disonance and her little brain simply doesn't have the ability to comprehend what she is witnessing. The early years of child development is CRUCIAL and you and your husband are genuinely creating more damage than you realize and it's so unfair to this innocent little baby that needs to feel SAFE while her little brain is growing and developing. And neither of you are recognizing how HUGE you both are to her either, they are SO LITTLE and powerless at this age and you are BOTH traumatizing her. She is suddenly going non verbal? Very bad sign because she is withdrawing and disassociating. This is a baby who is incapable of taking any part in your ongoing problems with your husband and it's totally irresponsible and abusive to TRIANGULATE a little BABY like this.